I saw it forsale at a discounter and ya know, the picture seems pretty familiar but I can’t quite place it.  It’s right on the tip of my tongue.  Sometimes I think I’m loosing a grip on reality….

-Veyron

Last time I talked about the basics of SL BDSM.  This post is to talk about how everything to an outsider looks so wrong, yet to someone familar with BDSM it is so right.  In your basic SL BDSM relationship, there’s a Master or Mistress or the Dominate aka the Dom and the Submissive or Sub.  There is an equation at work here.  In a “normal” relationship, things are shared more or less equally.  In a BDSM relationship, it is not equal, but the sum still comes out the same.

Huh?

What that means is the submissive gives up control to the dominate in exchange for safety or something similar (love, lust, etc).  The dominate does not get this for free through, the dom has to take responsibility for the sub.  That means, doing most (if not all) of the thinking, the planning, and all social calendar planning.  In almost all areas.

For the submissive, this is kind of liberating.  It is a lot of fun.  Ignorance is bliss, but here you have someone who loves you and is going to take care of you, do things for you, and so on.  All you have to do is stroke their ego, do what ever they want (to a point), and try to get into trouble (what? - more on that later).  Subs are very passive aggressive.  Passive by nature and definition, aggressive because they know what they want and will manipulate to get it.  Really good submissive are evilly passive aggressive, which of course is a big turn on to the… dom.

The dominate, or dom, has a big job here.  They have to do all of the thinking.  They have someone watching them all the time who might on the surface be adoring them, but they know they are smirking underneath that veneer (where’s that gag?).  They have to take care of that sub, maybe even financially (only sometimes).  It can be rather draining.  In exchange, they have someone who is always willing to stroke their ego, and probably stroke a lot more.  They always have a willing partner and someone to play with.

Of course now, it’s very obvious that the submissive is the one in charge.  :)  Doms are usually insecure because they are always thinking ahead to try to do the right thing; they can’t count on the submissive to give them valid feedback or even worse start to manipulate them….  The submissives are of course the stronger of the two, they put up with the dom’s weakness’s because they love them so much and want to take care of them.

Confused yet Alice?

It’s a complex relationship.  And it’s really a game.  Played with a wink and a nudge.  It’s a role playing game.   The more real you play it, the more exciting it gets.  Doms and subs try hard to stay in character and not break the spell.  There are lots of unwritten and unspoken rules.

Now everyone it seems wants to be a sub (or secretly does).  Being the Dom is fun to, mostly because you can do what you want….

So, how do you get started in SL BDSM (which is not like RL BDSM).  First you need a partner, duh.  Find someone preferrably who has done this before.  You have to find someone you trust and at minimum like.  It’s easier to be a sub, because there’s not as much thinking involved, so start there.  It may be hard to find a Master or Mistress.  Most good ones are booked full.  Most bad ones are not.

Say you have found a partner to play with.  Set a very defined time frame to play in.  Start with 1 or 2 weeks.  Set a time it ends.  This is important so you know it will be over at some point.  Then exchange a kink sheet.  These are sheets that rate things that turn each person on or not.  This saves time and prevents misunderstandings.  (Oh, and everyone lies about at least couple of things on the kink sheet.  The fun part is finding the ones you’ve lied about.)

You should also work out a minor system which might just happen on it’s own to subversively communicate yes and no.  For example my pet blushes when she really means yes.

Also pick a safe word.  Both the dom and the sub may need to use one.  Why would a dom need one?  Trust me, sometimes a pet can go pretty far….  The safe word stops all activity.  Some couples stop it for the day, so that it is not misused, but also so that if someone has come to the point of using the safe word, the fun and the game is over.

Lastly, you’ll need some basic toys.  A BDSM collar is a minimum for the pet.  The collar is also a symbol of ownership and a subversive symbol of love, much like a wedding ring.

It is a lot of fun.  After you play around with it for a while, you’ll be upset you’ve missed out on so much.  If you’re not having a good time, don’t give up.  Sometimes it is because your partner is either not good, or is inexperienced.

Next post…  good sub and bad dom - or is that the other way around?

-Veyron

People you would not guess

The copyright police can’t save you now!  I’m not sure if this is good or bad, perhaps I’m just indifferent.  What does it mean?  I’m not sure.  On one hand, it might mean nothing.  Which is probably true.  On the other hand, it might make everything in Second Life unprotected content - which is unlikely.  Seems to cover wireframed content.

Now if I could just get lucky and get quoted by the Associated Press, I could collect like $12.50. 

-Veyron

As you may have noticed, the site and blog have been down for the last few days.  Things are still not 100%.  I had some “issues” with my last hosting provider and I’ve moved my site.  I’ll post details shortly.  I have most of the blog and site back up and running, but not entirely.

IM me or email me if you find things that are broken.

-Veyron