Second Sense of Perspective
Second Life is a lot of things, good and bad. For me, Second Life is all about entertainment and some social activity - as it seems to be designed for. The dark side of Second Life is when it becomes a force for dragging yourself down. Whenever I feel Second Life is being more of a negative than a positive to myself, I just remember what I am here for, having a good time.
I see and talk to a lot of people who get dragged down into the abyss of some sort of negative drama. It usually comes up subtly, creeping up slowly, engulfing their thinking and consuming their Second Life and eventually their Real Life. This is a “bad thing” - something to be avoided. Maybe it is impossible to avoid if you have anything beyond a casual relationship with anyone in Second Life. I would like to think it does not happen to me, but of course it does now and then.
I have met a lot of really interesting and neat people in Second Life. To be honest, there’s no one I have found I dislike. I feel worse that there is not enough of “me” to go around to pay attention to all of the friends I have met. I have been in Second Life now for close to a year, and upon reflection of that last year, I find that from a close relationship side it has not been all that positive for myself. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe not.
Second Life experiences in general are a bit lonely and detached. I think that’s a reason why people partner up in Second Life, to have someone to do things with, rather than alone. Typically, you are lone while you are at your computer in Second Life, and it seems less alone while doing something with another avatar. My personal experience with doing that with someone else has been alas, very poor. Maybe I’m too much like a Neko, I like doing my own thing.
I have also noticed a distinct evolution of personal habits and behaviors within Second Life. Starting with typically n00b wonderment, then on to shopaholic, avatar tweaking, clubbing, dancing, flirting, etc. Then on to more semi-serious things like blogging, group activities and socializing. But still problems with serious relationships. My FAQ probably does a lot to explain it. A combination of flirtiness and stand-off-ishness is never good for relationships.
Another bad habit I have is willingness to try just about anything, at least once. Experiences are something to be tried in life, after all, you might not get to try them again. I’ve tried a lot of things in Second Life, some have been good, some have been flops. In the last month or so, I have been struggling with Second Life. It’s a common theme with most of you other bloggers I think. Some of my closest Second Life friends have been off grid for sometime and I am struggling with a failing Second Life relationship.
The funk has been bad enough I have considering retiring or going off grid for a while. The last time I had this sort of problem in Second Life was back in January and then I decided that I was not going to allow myself to be chased off the grid by myself, so I stayed. I’ll probably stay at least this time.
Where I’m going with this is I am struggling to find a purpose inside Second Life. I am somewhat depressed about the relationship failures. I somewhat feel I should take the majority of the fault for their failure. Maybe I am looking for too much or unwilling to give enough. Maybe the real route for me in Second Life is friendships rather than something like a “marriage”.
I’m still just trying to figure it out….
-Veyron
October 1st, 2007 at 12:23 pm
You are so right!
Within a few weeks of going in-world, I surprised myself by falling into a rather hot and heavy SL relationship. I spent the next week sneaking off to the computer when my wife wasn’t around to IM my “buddy”. When my wife opened an account last week I of course had to change my approach towards SL females; after all, not only was she in the same SL room she was sitting next to me on the RL sofa. I never told her what I did, as she’s too precious to me in RL to hurt her — I just had to try that stuff.
As it turns out I am now having the most fun ever in SL and we have an agreement: no buying and no slex..with other av’s. All this to say that a light approach makes the SL experience so much better.
PS: I am allowed to dance and flirt at least and I’m getting good at those ;). Thanks for your blog, Veyron.
October 1st, 2007 at 9:03 pm
[...] Second Sense of Perspective Second Life is a lot of things, good and bad. For me, Second Life is all about entertainment and some social activity - as it seems to be designed for. The dark side of Second Life is when it becomes a force for dragging yourself down. Whenever I feel Second Life is being more of a negative than a positive to myself, I just remember what I am here for, having a good time. [...]
October 1st, 2007 at 11:06 pm
[...] Second Sense of Perspective [...]
October 2nd, 2007 at 6:58 am
Yaaaayyyy ! Great, great, great !!! I’m not the only oneeeeee ! Holly Kitten, can’t tell you how glad this post has made me today !!!!
I was thinking I had catch some disease, like fungus or something similar hehehe… your post really helped put things a bit on perspective. It’s all about us being close to one year I guess. We’ve done all that, huh ? We’ve wandered, had fun, engaged into relationships, we’ve built empires and communities… we laughed, and cried… and NOW what ???
October 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 am
Oooh yeah, maybe it *is* the “one year itch”?
I’m coming up on a year, too. And, I don’t want to jinx myself, but within a few days it will also be the 5th month of Chloe and I being together.
Unfortunately, I don’t really have any advice or comment to give you other than “Oh yes, I understand. Hmmm.”, which isn’t very helpful, I know =/
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
[...] blog.veyronsupercharge.com » Second Sense of Perspective [...]
October 2nd, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Second Sense of Perspective
October 3rd, 2007 at 8:47 am
I think part of the attraction of Second Life is that relationships are somewhat detached - actually virtual. That has benefits, but it causes obvious problems with creating strong relationships. Of course in the real world I think the same could be said to be true.
At a minimum it makes relationships harder to maintain and keep healthy.
October 4th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Maybe the real route for me in Second Life is friendships rather than something like a “marriage”
Especially as with the marriage, chances are high you’ll have to hold down on the exploring? (Although that may depend whom you marry.)
This might sound strange, but as there is no RL sex involved, and most people don’t care much about SLex monogamy - not even when married - why SL-marry at all?
October 4th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Good point, Vint — perhaps some of us need to remind ourselves that SL is a fantasy. My wife is inworld now, and it’s only recently that I’ve mustered up the “courage” to go exploring (CoLA…yesss!!!).
October 6th, 2007 at 9:11 am
Hun, the Grid’d be a darker and far more boring place without you… Don’t you dare leave or even go on hiatus. We. Need. You. xXx