I know, I just love Google.  I can’t really get enough of it.  I’m not sure exactly what it is.  Maybe because they are not the evil empire….  So, I love their stuff.  Anyway, I heard of some great new products they are working on in their labs.  Some of them I’m really excited to see coming up.   The first big one is the long rumored GDrive.  Google is going to all you to store all your stuff online.  Now, this should be pretty cool, because gawd knows, I have a lot of stuff.

But what really got me going was the new rumored social network for lapdancers called GString.  I don’t know how well it will compete with Facebook and MySpace, but I know Zoe and I will be signing up.  Oh and I’m sure Tiessa will too, just on general principles.

They have also announced they are working on a broadband service that is faster than the speed of sound. The GWhiz is coming very very soon.  I’m not sure how it’s going to work with the Google TiSP or Toilet Internet Service Provider though.

Another Google shot from the Googleplex was just announced is a new mobile service called G.e.ni.us which turns dumb kids into Harvard geniuses - by giving them answers to every single question possible, via mobile phone texts.  Hmm….  Yes, but can’t they speak textish to like grad speak?  I’m not sure if the Google Gulp project is related to this or not.

Lastly, Google has just announced the opening of a new research wing derived from the Google Romance project at their HQ called the GSpot. So far only females have joined up, as all of the male employees have failed to find the signs for the GSpot….

-Veyron

Dilbert is coming to Second Life.   Kula sims on October 30th at 6 pm SLT.  Freebies to be given away.

Now I wonder if the Dilbert avatar will be showing up, or the Scott Adams avatar will be showing up.  My next question is, will there be a kissing both for Dilbert or Scott Adams?  And will there be strippers?  Hopefully Wally will not be one of the strippers.

-Veyron

Now this is a cool gun….  LOL!

The Glambo Signature Series “My Little Pony” M4A1 carbine with forward handgrip and AN-PVS4 night vision sight. The perfect way to introduce your little princess to the wonders of nocturnal wet-work!

I wonder if Zoe would like this….

But I do like the Hilton handcuffs.

I wonder if they take Lindens as payment.

-Veyron

It’s a good thing I’m an avatar.  I like being more or less (as far as I know) indestructible.  Barring an act of Linden Labs or inventory loss, I’m tougher than Wile E. Coyote.  I’ve taken more damage, mangling, folding, and spindling than should possibly be even contemplated.  I can fall from stratospheric heights, and land with just a little boink.  I can hold my breath indefinitely.  I’ve gone weeks without eating food.  I can even go on really long trips without needing to go potty.

With the new-ish movie Vint saw, Sicko, I thought more seriously about the ills of real life people.  While it’s an interesting movie, it’s of course from an interesting person.  Whatever the case, I certainly am glad I am not going to get ill.  After I read this shocking report on how the world death rate for real life people is holding steady at 100%.  This terrifying fact holds that billions upon billions of dollars spent each year have had not an iota of effect on the death rate.

From the article:

“I was really hoping, what with all those new radiology treatments, rescue helicopters, aerobics TV shows and what have you, that we might at least make a dent in it this year,” WHO Director General Dr. Gernst Bladt said. “Unfortunately, it would appear that the death rate remains constant and total, as it has inviolably since the dawn of time.”

Many are suggesting that the high mortality rate represents a massive failure on the part of the planet’s health care workers.

I personally am glad to see the politicians getting involved in solving this really serious issue.  You know that when things get tough and serious, you can depend on a politician to make a speech.

“Everybody talks about death,” Sen. Pete Domenici (R-NM) said, “but nobody seems to actually be doing anything about it. I propose we stop molly-coddling death, not to mention the multi-billion-dollar hospital, mortuary, funeral and burial industries that reap huge profits from it.”

Under Domenici’s new bill, all federal funds will be withheld from the medical industry until it “gets serious and starts cracking down on death.”

I certainly am glad the only thing I have to fear is derezzing.  Maybe we need to hold a fund raising campaign and a focus group to raise awareness of this issue….

-Veyron

Those WoW players are more perverted than us Second Life players. This machinima video for sure confirms it.

-Veyron

So, I came across this humorist post about growing up, and yes, it was disturbing.  But rather than dwell on the posting, Veyron though she should answer the posting….

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

My plants are all dead.  They are not even plastic, they made of pixels.  No, you can’t smoke any of them (hmmmm, maybe I need to go shopping…), but some do have alternative uses….

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

Where are my cuffs?

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

I don’t have any food, in fact, well, I don’t really eat.  But I guess I have sort of drunk before.  I do know that Vint had a bender at least once….

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

Sleep?  I never sleep, except when I logoff.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

Don’t ride elevators, I fly.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

It’s always sunny, at least until the new sky software is implemented.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”

Hmmm…  Might be caught on this one, but they all pretty much do all of the above…  but at a might higher rate of speed.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

I’m on permanent vacation.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

I have more clothes than Barbie.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

Crank it up baby!

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

There was a man from Nantucket….

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

Yo quiro!  But then again, I don’t eat - but I do wonder when Taco Bell will be opening up a sim and will it give you indigestion.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

Ohhhh….  I wonder how many tickets I would have by down if I did drive and they did have SLcops.

14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

No dog, but then again, maybe I need a furry.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

I have slept hanging upside with cuffs on….

16. You take naps.

Only when I crash.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

Dinner and a movie?  Gee, that would be something new in SL for moi….

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

Again, don’t eat, but then if I did, I could probably eat anything.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I don’t eat food.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

I do have some Seclimine….

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

Hmmm…  Any wine I’d get would probably be less than four dollars at the current exchange rate….

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

Cold pizza?

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

Gee, where do I find these parties?

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

I am only fun.  I can’t help it, I was drawn this way….

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

Usually the cost is the same, and besides, I can drink as much as I want.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”

Gawd, just detach that prim….

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.

My perfect pixelated ass…. 

 -Veyron

Could it be that World of Warcraft players are more perverted than the center of all known virtual sin, Second Life?  I mean clearly, as far as I know, there’s no sexgens, no xcite, and certainly no deviant devpose gear in WoW.  But maybe we’re missing out here.  I mean, in this global virtual arms race of perversity that we find ourselves engaged in, this paladin from WoW seems to have found a winning system.

I’ve noticed a lot of complaints about paladins lately, with regard to their low dps and limited combat options. But what players are forgetting is the main reason Blizzard programmed paladins. Paladins were not designed to be hybrid tanks/healers, as many claim. Instead, paladins were designed to be played while downloading pornography.

Paladins have roughly zero amount of combat interaction, thus making them the perfect character to play while downloading massive amounts of hardcore pornography. Simply target a monster, hit “1″, and minimize your window. Then sit back and enjoy amazing girl on girl action.

Because a paladin takes about one full minute to kill a monster, you can leisurely browse the erotic and pornographic fruits of the internet, without much concern over your paladin’s welfare. After a minute, I go back to WoW, and usually my paladin is still alive and ready to loot the corpse. This is what makes grinding so pleasurable and convenient for me; the ability to simultaneously watch girls have sex with each other and level up at the same time. I doubt any other class has such an elegantly designed system, and I applaud Blizzard for their foresight in crafting a character that I can play with while playing with myself.

DPS? Who needs it? The quicker I kill something, the less time I have to watch my boobies. Combat interactivity? Overrated. Id much rather interact with the girls writhing on my computer screen. Yes, a paladin was created for the sole purpose of surviving a fight while you stream hot porn directly to your computer. That is why we have the high armor class, the healing ability, and the low, low, DPS.

As for PVP, nothing is better than getting into battlegrounds and soaking up the honor points while I watch girls take their clothes off for money. Only the minimum of interaction is necessary for a paladin to perform, and it is this very quality that I love most about my paladin. I doubt rogues get any time to watch porn while trying to vanish and rack up combo points, and I bet shamans havent seen a single naked breast while figuring out what totem to throw down before choosing which shock they are going to cast next.

In addition to grinding, we have several defensive options during combat that also allow us flexibility to download porn. Hammer of Justice allows us a quick 6 second glimpse at naked women while our opponent is stunned, and Divine Shield allows a leisurely 12 seconds of quality right-hand time. Indeed, paladins have cornered the market on the pornography during playtime of World of Warcraft gameplay.

It saddens me that many paladins do not take advantage of the main functionality of their character, and are in fact lobbying for increased DPS or more combat options, unnecessary frivolities that would only harm our pornography downloading efficiency. Instead, we should thank the fine programmers at Blizzard for crafting a character that is great to grind with while grinding your loins.

- level 59 paladin named Genkaku

What does this all mean?  We need to take our perversity up a notch or two.  Clearly the gauntlet has been thrown down here and the residents of Second Life need to rise (ahem) to the occasion.  I know SL residents have never shirked from their new ability to find and create new and innovative kinky devices, poses, and playthings.  So, let’s step up here.

-Veyron

So Law and Order: SVU has a show with a virtual world in it. And surprise, surprise, anyone who uses or plays in it is a sicko. I didn’t bother watching it because the plot was predictable, but Zoe did, and confirmed my suspicions. Of course now, we all are kinda perverted in a normal sick sort of way. But in a much better healthier out in the virtual open way. So let’s compare Second Life to Real Life.

Real Life has life and death

Second Life has prim babies that look like Pokemons and if you die you get teleported home.

Real Life has violent crimes

Second Life’s idea of a violent crime is giant penis’s being virtually flung at you on stage, embarrassing you.

Real Life has finiancial crimes and fraud

 Anyone dumb enough to believe they were going to get 400% return on an investment with no risk….  well, you knew better, didn’t you?

Real Life has cops, lawyers and judges

Second Life has none….  ummm, but we do have Linden Labs (how do we get those cops, lawyers and judges now?)

Real Life has people starving, homeless, and in poor living conditions

Avatars do not need, food, water, light, or air (even can go into orbit).   They can survive falls from incredible heights.  Survive being thrown in hot lava.  Being folded up like an origami doll.  Even walk around with your hair up your ass.  Wearing shoes from Dark Eden for extended periods of time without permanent back injury.  And dang, they don’t even need to go potty.

Real Life men usually have one orgasm, and roll over and either go to sleep or turn on the TV (or would secretly like to).

 Second Life men enjoy demonstrating their prowess and want to make sure their partner is having a good time and well satisfied.

Real Life primping for a party up can take hours.

Second Life primping involves shopping through your inventory, clicking a few buttons, and waiting for them to rez.  Shoes that would themselves take 20 minutes to put on take 10 seconds in Second Life.

Real Life tanning requires multiple sessions outside or in a tanning studio.

Second Life requires you to change your skins.  And you can decide if you want tan lines or not in seconds.

Real Life criminalizes or ostracizes lots of deviant sexual behavior.

Second Life usually rates it on a sliding quality scale.

Real Life takes itself very seriously.

Second Life tries to take itself seriously, but can never quite wipe the silly smirk off it’s face from the that impossible sexual escapade last night.

Real Life has campers.  Like in national parks and places of great beauty.

Second Life has campers in casinos speakeasies, clubs and empty malls.

Real Life sex carries (albit small now) risk of getting a STD and maybe even dying from it.

In Second Life you might make a mess on or around your computer.

In Real Life if I go into a dangerous place I might get really hurt.

Second Life’s idea of a dangerous place is a sim when you get notice it’s about to be restarted.

Real Life has corporate consumerism fueling massive expenditure of money on lots of frivolous items.

Second Life has mom & pop consumerism fueling massive expenditure of  a toy currency on lots of frivolous virtual items.  (Okay, I think that one is a wash….)

But let’s be clear, to paraphrase the NRA, avatars don’t make perverts, people make perverts.  And since I’m an avatar, I’m in the clear.  (I like that logic…)

-Veyron

a.k.a. Fear & Loathing in Second Life…. If there is someone I have to meet and talk to inside of Second Life, it is Gideon Television. Obviously a deranged, gun crazed, narcissistic, sex obsessed sort of individual that I’d really like to have a date with. Obviously just my type. A good time, just waiting to happen.

Clearly channeling Hunter S. Thompson or at least trying to. From this blog entry, The Best Little Whorehouses in Second Life, he’s is doing a good job of it. All we need to do now is shoot him from a cannon. I think there’s one in front of Paradise Lost.

I will have to confess to meeting him from afar in the Pontiac sim. I did go down to see Gideon perform in person, but I never did talk with him. It was a bit too zoo like. But I did meet Korbin, but that’s another blog entry.

What’s missing now is more blog entries from him.

-Veyron

Veyron, like the Narrator, has a wicked sense of humor which often gets her and also the Narrator into more trouble than they wish…. That being said, this video from Devil Ducky, while not really being related to Second Life is really too funny to be ignored. It is a technical support problem on that new fangled device, the book….