I got irritated last night. Then I got upset. It bugged me all morning. It gave me an upset stomach. So, I have a rant here. I’m ranting here to make sure that I can at least read it again in the future. Learning can sometimes be painful.

I joined up into Second Life fully planning to “ride under the radar” and have some fun. My situation has obviously devolved into something more (or less) than that. And I’ve been reasonably comfortable with that so far.

I have had a few bad experiences in the past with online relationships, so I’ve essentially sworn them off. No, I have definitely sworn them off. And that means what it means. And what I mean by a relationship is something beyond an acquaintance. I like meeting people, having fun with people online, but that’s as far as it is ever going to go. I have learned my lessons. In fact, I wrote down a memo to myself about a week into Second Life detailing what I will not ever do. It’s my contract with myself. When I feel I get close to violating it, I read it again. It’s good to remind myself of what I have learned.

Someone insinuated I was not who I said I was. So, being stubborn and bull headed, I couldn’t take it any longer. I charged right in to prove them wrong around noon today. Taking a cue from the old show, The Spot, I changed into a swimsuit and setup my camera in my living room on a tripod. I wrote up a small sign to hold and took a few pictures.

I shoot RAW, so I need to then process the shots in my computer. Since I do have some vanity, I though I would clean up a few “minor” (ahem) issues in Photoshop - I mean, why not while I’m at it? I was all smug thinking how I was going to prove them all wrong and I was going to show them up. I tinkered with the best shot for a while and then I realized that someone could obviously accuse me of Photoshopping the shot together, and this would be insufficient. More would be required. Visions of audio, and then video being required as proof…. Then I remembered my contract with my self…. I deleted the photos and seethed for a while at my computer. I felt I had let myself manipulate myself and that was the ultimate form of stupidity.

I play in Second Life for my entertainment and no other reason. Not for money, life or liberty. Only entertainment. And to be frank, my entertainment - not someone else’s. Letting myself get manipulated into doing something I did not want to do in the beginning was now not fun. It was drama way outside of what I needed or wanted, and I let myself get pulled into it rather than blowing it off like I usually do.

Lillie Yifu has an excellent post on what Second Life virtual sex revolves around, presence. I let some other people push their presence into my space without thinking about it. I have seen this happen to friends of mine inside Second Life. People get overwhelmed and consumed with Second Life without thinking about it. I let myself get consumed with it for a few hours, and I am grateful I was able to pull back.

My first two weeks or so inside Second Life I was obsessed with who was behind the keyboard. I’ve meet people like this - I was one of them. Then I had an epiphany. I have either no intention, desire, or real ability of ever meeting anyone in Second Life in Real Life. Therefore, who or what they are in Real Life actually is more of a fantasy than what they are in Second Life. Think about it. Inside a fantasy world, reality is the fantasy.

I take everyone in Second Life at face value. What does that mean? You are what you look like and who you say you are. Why not? While it’s obviously cute if two guys are doing a ridiculous job at cybersex with each other as girls - I really could care less otherwise. I feel for someone who is mislead about the other person who they are if it caused hurt feelings, last thing I want to do is see hurt feelings. There’s enough pain in the world.

But for me, I don’t necessary need to know about their Real Life lives. Again, that’s a fantasy here. If I wanted more Real Life - Life - I might be on IRC or something similar, but I’m not. I’m in the current ultimate fantasy land.

The annoying part about this whole drama is that it is no fun. Which goes back to the point of why I play in Second Life - to have fun. And then we circle back to why Real Life has to or needs to intrude in Second Life. The day Second Life is not fun anymore is the day I am done with Second Life. Today was a close call. I have too many people inside of Second Life I would miss to leave.

What does this mean? I had set my terms with myself up front. My terms were good terms and terms I need to and wanted to live with. I control my destiny. I am in control of who I am and what personal information I want to give out of any kind. It’s not a angry statement or loud statement, it’s just a firm stance. I don’t think it’s unreasonable either.

I think a lot of people in Second Life start out with the “I am going to be anonymous” position and let it erode over time. There is no recall button for information once it is given out. Just say no and walk away. It’s that simple. If the other person can’t live with that, then there are at least 5 million other people in Second Life to play with.

I just wanna have fun….

-Veyron